Therefor I am a hopeless romantic. I put my heart on the line every day with every action I take. I think and dream constantly and most times, too much. I'm overwhelmingly kind hearted and get taken advantage of time and time again, yet I'll still always find a way to give the people that have hurt me another chance, seeking acceptance.
Where am I going with this?
I've been giving and giving more and more as of late. After going through a breakup that left me dazed and confused, I focused on myself and was doing really well! But I still felt empty, so I fell back in to some of my old ways. Without going in to detail and exposing some people involved, I'll try to fill you in a little better. I've been what I feel to be, of great help and service to a wide range of friends both new and old from 18 years old to God knows. I've been approached for help with friends parents drug/alcohol problems, to just being there to provide smiles and a light of hope for some of those struggling to get through each day. I can't explain the warmth I feel when I am given the honor that these people come to me, at times, time and time again seeking answers and/or comfort. The best way I can describe it is like a God shot. In AA we speak of God shots quite frequently. A God shot is basically when you can't explain why something happens because it is beyond the human brain capacity basically. I cherish each and every God shot I've gotten, and they've come more frequently with the more right I do, but every time I get on of these shots, I'm left with more questions than answers. After some time I start to question what's the point? Why do I keep risking my heart and feelings only to continuously be let down in my eyes? I somehow always seem to mustard up enough courage to keep moving on and only at bad times, allow these feelings of defeat slow me down but never stop or derail me. Once again, I thank my God for giving me the strength to keep going every day even though most days, I just don't want to anymore. It's easier to just quit trying and to fail. But I'm tired of being that guy. I'm in the process every day of restoring my image, my worth. The more of you that look up to my for my strength and wisdom and passion, the more reasons I have to get back up and keep fighting. As far as the haters and the ones that use me, cool. I don't care if you hate on who I've become and who I'm trying to become because obviously you're not happy with your life and you're trying to bring me down to your level while I'm trying to bring as many up from the floor I've gotten to know too well for over a quarter century of my life and I won't ever be there ever again as long as I'm breathing! When the past calls, don't answer it. It's got nothing new to say.
In closing for the day, I'm getting better each day that passes at seeing through the bullshit and the fakes. I allow myself to be used and abused for shorter periods of times before I put my foot down and say enough is enough. I just ask you to think about if you think that you may be using me in a selfish way without thinking about my feelings and to please, just take it easy on me. There are a lot of people out there that truly need my kind heart and generosity, and if you are using me, that takes a little away from someone else's opportunity. Use me as a coach, a guidance counselor, a friend, but DO NOT use me as a servant or a slave. I do have a nasty side and trust me, you DO NOT want to be one to experience that side. If you unfortunately do experience that side, then you really need to sit and reconsider what you're doing with your life and how you can better yourself as I am doing for myself and countless others.
=) <3
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