I can't Believe it's been Damn near three months since I've written! No wonder I've been struggling. It was great to get back on here and read my last post though because this one was going to be a very dark post until I read that one. But I'll still share what I was originally going to post about because I need to get it off of my shoulders.
March 10th I lost my job at UCLA. Not going to say why except it was very unexpected and sad. I had all my eggs in that basket so to speak, and now that basket is gone. I was going to start rehab on my knee and finally seek professional help from a psychiatrist to help me succeed. But that's gone now too. The respect I had earned from my daughter's mother is MORE than gone because I've acted like a little Bitch and refused to be a man. Did she have the right to say all she said in a text message to me when I failed to talk to my daughter regarding her Diabetes Anniversary(which they celebrate like a birthday?)? No, not entirely. But as you can imagine, I was extremely hurt, and felt I let down my daughter because I did. I struggle to find any kind of strength to fight anymore. My daughter was my rock, and now that rock is gone. So much is gone. The passing of my mom was June 6,2004. So the ten year anniversary is coming up for that and I feel like I've changed nothing about myself in those ten years. It's very depressing to feel the emptiness I feel inside. All of this combined leads me to stay in my room days at a time only coming out to use the bathroom or make something to eat and usually rushing back in to my room to eat. Like I said, I can't seem to get any momentum. This engine won't start, it's out of gas.
That's all I can say for now. I hope a lot of time doesn't pass until I post again and I hope it's got some better news in it. Honestly, if nothing "better" happens, there won't be anymore posting. Ever.
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